Egomaniac with an Inferiority Complex

When i did my 4th Step, which i touch on here, my sponsor told me something he’d heard in the rooms.

Alcoholics are egomaniacs with an inferiority complex.

i could very much relate to this, probably because i am an alcoholic.

One of the recurring issues that came up as i was sharing my defaults was self hatred. i hate myself and when that ball starts rolling, a vicious circle begins.

• i want to escape myself, but i can’t unless
• i get drunk and then at least i don’t hate myself so much until
• i wake up with a hangover and feel physically ill and then
• A few days later, i get spiritually ill and begin to hate myself so
• i want to escape myself but i can’t unless
• i get drunk and then…

Obviously, one of the keys to staying sober is breaking the cycle. But i have no idea how to be compassionate with myself. Here’s a thought i had during our discussion.

If you don’t know how to be compassionate with yourself, practice on others.

i’m often very impatient and frustrated with people and the world in general. “People suck” is kind of my motto. In the rooms, a guy once said, jokingly, “It’s like everyone in the city thinks they’re as important as I am!”

Today i got the answer. While i was in a waiting room, i caught myself getting nervous, tense, impatient and judgmental. i knew i had to practice compassion and tried to figure out how. Then it came to me.

i admire that person’s _________________.

Every time a person made me nervous, i made myself figure out a compliment with which to fill that blank.

For example, an elderly woman was in a foul mood and muttering insults under her breath to everyone in the office. For her, i thought, “i admire your inner strength.” Another man was very impatient and tense. He was constantly asking people what time their appointment was. i thought long and hard and came up with, “i admire your ability to talk to strangers.”

i know you guys are less messed up than i am, but think of the above exercise as a game the next time you’re standing in line at the supermarket. It’ll help pass the time.