Tasted Like Chicken
One thing i’ve been learning in Recovery is that a lot of my drinking was fear based. i was afraid of being rejected, afraid of looking stupid (which is ironic when you consider how i looked after i’d drunk), afraid of talking, afraid of being judged, afraid of showing emotion… Booze made me brave. Liquid courage. It also made me an asshole. Liquid…asshole? No, that’s diarrhea.
In my 4th Step of the Alcoholics Anonymous program, i listed my wrongs and resentments and people i’d harmed and discovered the source for many of my defects of character were based in the fear i was trying to drown with alcohol. My sponsor told me to write down, every day, the fears i’ve experienced that day.
This is now my nightly routine. In bed, right before sleeping, i list the following things:
- My Fears: what caused them and what the core fear was (like being rejected or health fears or fear of anger…)
- My Esteemable Acts: what did i do that day, especially anonymously, to make my corner of the world a better place
- My Gratitude List: what was i grateful for that day
You know what? i’ve been doing this for about 2 weeks and today i realized i’m a lot less afraid of daily life than i have been in decades. Literally. And i haven’t done anything, except write down 3-4 things at night.
Tastes like Chicken? Not anymore.
Posted on November 17, 2011, in AA Step Work, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery, Toolbox and tagged AA, AA Step 4, AA Steps, Alcohol Insanity, Alcohol Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Fear, Fear and Alcoholism, Recovery, Sober Action Plan, Step 4, Toolbox, What i learned in AA. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.
This is all good stuff, Maynard. (cf. http://youtu.be/OoAJNn6SETs)
I think the first thing I thought of when I read this is what I learned from you from the program: it works if you work it. And there you go. More evidence!
And, that’s an upside-down seahorse in addition to the snake in that bottle, huh. *shudders* Eeep! Yeah, I bet that cures “rheumatism, lumbago, [and] sweat of limbs” all right. Cure by death is one way to think of a cure, eh? LOL
Oh dear. She’s dropped down a rabbit hole, and she really needs to write. But this is far out: http://youtu.be/dK2qBbDn5W0
Man, you open Pandora’s Box (aka “YouTube”) and nostalgic commercial hell breaks out all over the place!! But god I miss the 70s sometimes, lol!
i used to be able to say the 2 all beef patties thing frontwards and backwards. God, i remember when that was cool!
Doesn’t it look like the cobra was eating the sea horse when he got trapped? And thanks for deciphering the words at the bottom of the label!
Keep coming back, Angel,
Al K Hall
I gotta tell you, I’m scared of that damn photo!
LOL, add it to your Fears List!
Keep coming back,
Al K Hall
It has been said by many before me that many people including non alcoholics could benefit from the AA program. I tend to agree. We all have fears and we respond in our own ways. Some drink, some eat, some hide etc. etc. Congrats on your progress.
Thanks, Moderation!
i’m a big fan of the program and it’s really working out well for me. If i wasn’t an alcoholic, i’d try to become one just to have all the benefits of the program.
Keep coming back,
Al K Hall
I can relate to that. Fear plays a large part in my everyday life. While i am middle aged now, i fear career will not be successful, have insufficient money when i am due to retire, grow old and die alone……
I get in depressed mood for an irregular period of time. it is a dark cold place when i recounted every failures and regrets ever since i am born. Often i wish to just disappear from the face of earth. But i resist drink. i am afraid that once i start, i get hooked.
Hi Anna!
You’re right, the best firs step to avoiding fear, have a good career and start a meaningful relationship is not getting hooked on the drink! Best of luck overcoming your fears.
Keep coming back,
Al K Hall