Blast From The Pabst: For Crying Out Loud
i’m sure i’ve told this story here on these pages somewhere but as this came up in my 8th Step work (Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all) and i also can’t be bothered to search through my posts to link to it, i’ll just retell it as briefly as i can.
One Friday night here in Yeaman, after the weekly cocktail party where i work, i followed some of my colleagues to a Scottish pub for the pre-after party. i was not drunk, i was totally shitfaced. i spoke very rudely on the underground, embarrassing my friends because i didn’t think anyone spoke English in the subway car, until a young woman standing nearby informed us in no uncertain terms that she did.
At the bar, i went to order a beer and noticed the barmaid was attractive (i was single at this time), so i decided to say something out of the ordinary, something edgy, to catch her attention and stand out from the crowd. i don’t remember what i said. The next thing i do remember is the barmaid was in tears, my coworkers were leading me outside, and the furious barman/owner was telling me i was barred for life.
Barred of Avalon
Jumping ahead to tonight… At the meeting, a young lady in her mid-late 20′s was celebrating 5 years of sobriety and was talking about how she had lost everything (her job, her apartment, her family) to her disease before realizing she needed help.
When it came my turn to share i said:
When i was drinking, i felt like a broken toy. Like those toys under the bed in the evil kid’s house in Toy Story where the heads are on the wrong bodies. And like them, i knew i was beyond repair. That was my destiny. i had to accept the fact that i was alone and living in the dark and there was nothing i could do to get fixed.
The most amazing thing for me when i entered the program was realizing i was not broken by nature. That i could be repaired. All i had to do was to follow the steps. And as i took those steps and followed the advice, i slowly came out from under the bed and into the light.
As i spoke, i glanced up at her and saw she was crying. She was not crying because i had humiliated or hurt her, but because my words resonated with her.
If anybody tells you that using is better than recovery, they’re full of Schlitz.
Don’t cry dear, I’m still an alcoholic!
________________________________________________________________________________
[Click here to read other Blasts from the Pabsts]
____________________
Posted on February 12, 2013, in AA Step Work, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Blast From The Pabst, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged AA Step 8, alcohol, Alcohol Insanity, Alcohol Recovery, alcoholic, alcoholism, Blast from the Pabst, Gratitude, mental-health, Recovery, sobriety, Step 8. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.
Cries. Your words resonate.
Humbly thanks you.
Keep coming back, my friend,
Al K Hall
Well, I cried, reading this…
The most amazing thing for me when i entered the program was realizing i was not broken by nature. That i could be repaired. All i had to do was to follow the steps. And as i took those steps and followed the advice, i slowly came out from under the bed and into the light.
I remember years ago, truly years, for it would have been in 2006, just about seven years ago, trying to communicate this very thing to you, this thing that I could SEE YOU inside, I could see the *real* you, not the broken-toy you, and it was painful that you insisted otherwise. Water under the bridge; I don’t bring it up to berate, but rather rejoice, because HELLS TO THE YEAH! He gets it! He finally gets it!!!
That was the best possible Valentine I could have read today, ever. And you didn’t even know you were doing it.
I remember the song that used to make me think of you back then — when you could not yet see that you were capable of repair (although neither of us knew what it would take back then…).
xx
Celeste
Hi babe,
Thanks for the video and the comment! Unfortunately, as many addicts can tell you, we can only get it when we get it and not a moment before.
Keep coming back,
Al K Hall