Blog Archives
Putting the “Will” back in “Willing”
Being willing to give up alcohol means doing whatever it takes to stay sober, and being willing to accept the result when some of those things don’t work.
How do you know you’re willing to give up alcohol? You’re taking action.
As If
“Act as if” is one of the first and truest things i learned in recovery.
If you’re sad, act like you’re happy.
If you’re angry, act like you’re calm.
If you’re afraid, act as though you’re brave.
The miracle of this is that, after acting happy, calm and brave long enough, you’ll become happy, calm, and brave.
Of course it’s not that simple… Except it is.
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A Dog’s Life
Beer Hound
i’m a cat person, so it makes sense i have a cat’s life. i’m not very demonstrative, can be aloof, like to be on my own and am not a big fan of going outside. But i need to have a dog’s life.
Sunday was a super sunny in Yeaman, but i didn’t need to go outside so i didn’t. That night, as i lay myself down with my weekly Sunday blues, i understood that, like a dog, i need to go outside at least once a day.
In my drinking days i was able to live inside an alcohol bubble, cut off from the universe. Isolating, however, is dangerous for me because, when i withdraw from the world, i forget i’m part of it. When i’m not a part of humanity but apart from it, i lose touch with reality and, like a shipwreck survivor lost at sea with nothing on the horizon, i lose all sense of perspective.
i need to walk myself, like a dog, to keep myself grounded.
Sorry in advance if i pee on your shoes or hump your leg.
Emotional Hangover Cure
You know that moment when you laugh because you think the person is making a joke but then you can tell from their expression they were dead serious? That’s exactly what happened to me the first time i heard someone use the expression, “Emotional Hangover”.
After that initial social foot in mental mouth, i dutifully kept my “Next you’ll be telling me about the Le Mans birth of your inner child” asides to myself.
Until i got sober. Then i recognized the shaky weakness in my stomach, the fatigue, sadness and headache after an emotional enema for what it was: a hangover. i’ve probably been having them forever, only they were hiding behind the alcohol hangovers.
Fortunately, the cure seems to be the same…early to bed and lots of sleep.
Hanging [over] In There
Egomaniac With An Inferiority Complex
A Little Drinking Problem
Alcoholics are egomaniacs with an inferiority complex.
This is one of the truest things i’ve heard in or out of AA. i felt like this for decades but was never able to frame it with words. Fortunately, now i’m learning how not to need to.
How to Solve this Conundrum
The size between Large and Small? Balanced.
The trick is acting Right-Sized. As soon as my sponsor used this phrase, i instantly knew what he was talking about. Acting “right-sized” means staying within the norms of the situation and not getting carried under or away.
The easiest way to become “right-sized” is doing esteemable acts or anonymous good deeds. If i do something nice that no one will ever find out about, 1) i fight my ego because doing things with no recognition is humbling and 2) i heal my inferiority complex because i’m helping others.
The size between Large and Small? Right.
Let It Be
Childish Behavior
i wrote a manual to teach foreign Business Types how to make presentations in English. The compliment i hear most about it is that it’s very practical, that the student can easily apply it to their business life. My point is, i hate writing a post like i did a couple days ago where i just say something like “Give up your problems to God” without concrete, practical tips on how to do that.
To remedy that, here are a couple suggestions on how to “Let Go – Let God”.
1. Repeat “I gave that up to God” Until the Thoughts Stop
This is the mental equivalent of plugging your ears and going “nah nah nah nah nah nah” to drown out someone else’s talking. It’s childish, but it works.
This was the first tool i learned when i entered recovery. My sponsor told me that the basic tenet of sobriety is the simple sentence, “I don’t drink no matter what.” Whenever i caught thoughts about drinking creeping into my mind, i learned to squash them with the mantra, “I don’t drink no matter what.”
Now, the instant i find myself lost in my thoughts of fear, insecurity or worry, i tell myself “I gave that up to God.” As soon as a stress resurfaces, “I gave that up to God.” The moment I — “I give that up to God.”
Find a phrase of your own and use it whenever negative thoughts sneak in…it works!
2. Pack Up Your Worries
i started creating my own mental exercises. My latest one is to imagine myself packing all my concerns about the neighbor, plumbing, internet… into tiny (because they’re such little problems) boxes that i then label and load onto a hot air balloon with “For God” written in huge letters on the side. When the balloon’s basket is full of all my worries, i cut the tether and release the balloon which floats up higher and higher, out of my reach and then out of my sight, until it reaches its creditor (because i give my Higher Power a lot of credit).
Play a part in your sobriety! Be an active non-alcoholic.
Terrible Twos: The Pink Cloud
To begin, here’s a new entry to my GlossAAry. (Yes, it’s pertinent…there’s a madness to my method!)
Pink Cloud
Where the pink elephants used to live, and what you have left now they’ve gone.
Right next to Cloud Nine, the Pink Cloud is the feeling of relief you feel when you stop pounding your head against the stone wall of inebriation, convinced you will somehow break through.
Not everyone experiences this high in the first year of sobriety, and usually those that do get it say that it lasts only a few months.
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In my previous post, where i discussed how the second year of recovery presents some unique challenges, fellow Recovery Artist Mrs D left a comment saying,
Oh, I want to know more about this .. heading as I am into my second year…
i think in my case, one of the reasons i’m finding it harder to trudge the road of Happy Destiny in Year 2 A.D. (After Drinking) is that i did experience the Pink Cloud. If i remember correctly, it began in my 2nd month of sobriety and lasted about 2 months total. After that, the feelings faded.
Why? Since i was feeling good every day, feeling good became the new norm. If you win the lottery daily, there comes a point when you stop throwing a party over it.
How can we fight this complacency? One of the tools i use is the Gratitude List. Reminding myself of how far i’ve come and the misery i came from is powerful encouragement.
The only other way to really get a taste of the hell i escaped from is to have a taste of the hell i escaped from, and that’s just crazy talk. i’ll take a boring day in Heaven over a rough day in Hell any time.
SOS: Save Our Sobriety
Don’t Get Hammered
A few weeks after i began my recovery (over 20 months ago!), i had a problem, freaked out and ‘had to’ take a pill to sleep. i should say here that, oddly enough for someone who is addicted to everything else, pills never did it for me. They took too long and were never strong enough for me to develop an affinity for them. Anyway, immediately after taking the sleeping pill, i realized i should have cleared it with my sponsor first. When i told him about the incident at our next meeting, he was angry that i hadn’t called him and called it a slip.
Why hadn’t i called him? Simple, i didn’t even think about it. Ironically, one of the factors that led up to my suicide attempt was the same thing: i am incapable of asking for help—i perceive it to be a sign of weakness.
Last Sunday, i had a coffee with my sponsor and while discussing all the issues i’ve got going on at the moment, i began to feel better, calmer, more together. As he gave me advice, I started thinking more clearly. i especially understood i should have called him earlier rather than let myself sink lower and lower.
Then, one of the pieces of advice he gave me was to reach out to a friend in recovery in the States. Being told by someone helping me that i needed to ask for help was finally direct enough to drive the message into my brain.
Asking others for help is a tool in the Toolbox.
Fake It ‘Til You Make It
Fake It ‘Til You Make It
Act like you are happy / capable / together / outgoing / patient / calm / etc. until you actually are.
i’ve reached a plateau in my recovery, which means i feel like i’m not progressing as i should. i feel worse than usual. Sadder. Angrier. Less patient. Lazier. All of these are signs that i have to be more vigilant about my behavior to avoid a relapse.
One of the tools to combat these feelings is to act as though i were happier, less angry, more patient and productive… “Priming the Pump” is probably the tool i have the most difficulty with because i have the impression i’m being insincere and lying to myself and others.
Still, when i catch my thoughts deteriorating, it doesn’t hurt anyone if i force a smile and hope that it eventually becomes real.
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[As you can see in the header of this blog, i've added a new page, called "sAAyings". Similar to my GlossAAry of Alcoholic Anonymous terms, this page contains a list (to be updated regularly) of different expressions heard in Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings.]
What Are You Thanking?
First off, there’s this addition to the GlosAAry…
Gratitude
Blessings In Disguise
Gratitude = Great + Attitude.
Taking a break from living to appreciate life. Gratitude for an addict means recognizing and appreciating the gifts recovery has brought–things the disease had promised but never delivered.
A common suggestion for alcoholics in recovery is to keep and regularly update a Gratitude List of all the things that sobriety has given them which drinking took away.
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When i first started my recovery, my sponsor told me to keep a Gratitude List. Simply put, it was supposed to be a list of all the things i was grateful for, so i put things down like, “My Family”, “My Apartment”, My Job”…
It took a little while, but then i clued into the fact that the idea isn’t to write a “Rainbow Pony” list of all the things i appreciate and like, but rather a concrete enumeration of all the things i have because of Recovery and wouldn’t have without it.
My list changed to:
- i’m less angry
- i’m less depressed
- i now have the courage to continue trying
- i’m better at extracting myself from unpleasant situations
- i enjoy good times more completely
- i appreciate music more
- i need fewer breaks from my day
- i panic less
- i see my defaults more clearly and in their proper perspective
- i’m a better example for my children
- i’m better at prioritizing
- i’m more honest about admitting my mistakes
- i get more done
The list goes on and on…
Now, if i ever face a situation where i’m tempted to drink, i’ll be able to look back on this list and see all of the things i’ll be giving up. Or, even more likely, if i get too confident and start thinking i’ve got my addiction under control, i can reread these items and see all the things recovery gave me that i could never get for myself.
Powerful tool, that.
